Balancing Responsibilities Without Losing Joy

Written by Haythem Lafhaj, PLMFT

Responsibility is an essential part of adulthood. We take care of children, careers, and communities. But too often, what begins as love and aspiration slowly becomes obligation. The dream job becomes a burden. Parenthood shifts from joy to duty. And the things we once longed for begin to feel heavy.

As a therapist and father, I have seen this tension unfold in many lives, including my own. The challenge is not to abandon responsibility, but to balance it with motivation and meaning. Otherwise, the very roles we cherish become sources of exhaustion.

One key insight from Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) is that change often begins by rediscovering what already works (de Shazer & Berg, 1985). When clients come to therapy feeling weighed down by responsibilities, I invite them to remember times when these same responsibilities felt fulfilling. What was different then? Often, they recall moments of play, laughter, and shared purpose. In other words, they were connected to why they were doing the work, not just what needed to be done.

Research on family resilience supports this view. Couples who balance roles effectively often share a mindset of teamwork and adaptability. As one couple described in an interview: “We’ve learned to adapt to each stage of life” (Lafhaj, 2024). When responsibility is seen not as a solitary burden but as a shared mission, it becomes lighter.

Motivation, then, is not about constant discipline—it is about reconnecting to values. As Viktor Frankl (1985) observed, when people have a clear sense of meaning, they can endure far greater challenges. Parents who see caregiving not just as obligation but as an opportunity to love and guide their children often find joy even in the difficult days. Workers who connect their jobs to their deeper values—whether creativity, service, or providing for family—sustain energy longer than those who focus only on the paycheck.

Culturally, this lesson resonates deeply. In Tunisian and Muslim traditions, responsibility is often framed as service—both to family and to God. When responsibility is rooted in service and gratitude, it feels less like a weight and more like an honor. But when we lose sight of meaning, even sacred duties can feel empty.

Practically, this balance requires rhythms of rest and renewal. Just as children need play, adults need spaces to reconnect with joy. Narrative Therapy offers one approach by helping people re-author their life stories—shifting from “I am burdened by my obligations” to “I am living out my values through these commitments” (Lafhaj, 2024). This reframing transforms duty into purpose, and obligation into choice.

Another essential practice is boundaries. Without boundaries, responsibility consumes every corner of life. Parents who never rest, workers who never disconnect, and caregivers who never receive care themselves are at risk of burnout. Structural Family Therapy reminds us that healthy boundaries protect relationships from being swallowed by external demands (Minuchin, 1974, as cited in Lafhaj, 2024).

Ultimately, balance is not about doing less—it is about doing differently. It is about weaving rest, joy, and play into the fabric of responsibility. When we approach our commitments with intention, we safeguard the excitement and love that led us to them in the first place.

Life will always bring duties. But when we nurture motivation and meaning, responsibilities do not drain us—they ground us. They remind us that we are capable of carrying weight, not as slaves to obligation, but as people living out values with joy and purpose. by Haythem Lafhaj