Playing Video Games with Your Teen—A Bridge to Connection

Written by Haythem Lafhaj, PLMFT

Many parents see video games as a distraction, a source of frustration, or even an obstacle to meaningful family time. But what if those screens could become bridges rather than barriers? What if playing video games with your teenager could be one of the most effective ways to connect with them emotionally?

As a father and therapist, I’ve learned that “play” is a universal language. Play therapy, a cornerstone of my training and practice, teaches that children express their emotions and experiences most naturally through play. For adolescents, who are caught between childhood and adulthood, video games have become their modern form of play—a space where they explore competition, teamwork, frustration, and identity.

When parents join their teenagers in that world—not as judges but as participants—they communicate something profound: “I want to understand you.” This simple act can transform the energy in the home. Instead of fighting about screen time, families can use it as a space for shared laughter, curiosity, and emotional attunement.

Research on play-based interventions supports this idea. Studies in family therapy show that shared activities, especially those rooted in play, strengthen trust and improve communication. Play is not just entertainment—it’s engagement. When parents enter their teen’s world, they’re saying, “You matter enough for me to meet you where you are.”

In practice, I encourage parents to pick a game their teen already enjoys. It might be FIFA, Fortnite, or a cooperative adventure game. The point isn’t mastery—it’s presence. Teens rarely remember whether you won; they remember whether you showed up without judgment.

During play, subtle emotional patterns emerge. You might notice your teen’s competitiveness, their frustration tolerance, or how they handle teamwork. These moments become windows into their inner life. Instead of interrogating them after school, you might learn more from an hour of gaming together than from a dozen forced conversations.

In my Tunisian upbringing, play was not always viewed as productive. Yet I’ve come to see that play builds relationships far more effectively than lectures. It allows emotions to surface naturally. When a teen loses a match, it’s not just about losing—it’s a chance to model sportsmanship, empathy, and humor. When they win, it’s an opportunity to celebrate their growth and skill.

In play therapy, we talk about “joining” rather than “correcting.” The same applies here. When your teen curses after losing or gets overly competitive, resist the urge to correct immediately. Reflect instead: “That game really got intense for you.” This mirrors the core therapeutic skill of validation—it tells them their feelings make sense, even when their behavior needs guidance.

This kind of engagement also strengthens attachment. Many teens struggle with emotional vulnerability; they often see direct conversations about feelings as uncomfortable or invasive. But shared play offers a side door to connection. They may not say “I love you,” but they’ll remember that you were there, controller in hand, laughing with them.

Culturally, this is especially important for immigrant families or parents from more traditional backgrounds. Many of us were raised to emphasize discipline and achievement over leisure. But in today’s world, playtime can be the most emotionally intelligent form of parenting. It bridges generational and cultural gaps, showing your teen that you can honor your roots while still engaging their world.

Playing together also reduces conflict. When parents understand what captivates their teens, they can set realistic boundaries around gaming. Instead of enforcing arbitrary limits, you can discuss mutual expectations: “Let’s play together for an hour, and then we both take a break.” This transforms gaming from a battleground into a bonding ritual.

If you’re not a gamer, that’s okay. Let your teen be the teacher. Ask them to show you how the game works. They’ll light up. The dynamic shift—where the teen guides the parent—restores their sense of competence and confidence. It tells them their skills and opinions matter.

At its core, play therapy reminds us that connection precedes correction. Before a child—or a teenager—can accept guidance, they must feel seen. Video games, when approached with openness and curiosity, offer a shared emotional playground. They can turn conflict into collaboration and silence into laughter.

So next time you see your teen immersed in a game, don’t roll your eyes. Sit beside them. Ask for a second controller. You might just discover that the real game isn’t on the screen—it’s in the quiet, joyful moments of being together.