Exploring Trauma and Loss in Family Therapy Practice

Written by Haythem Lafhaj, PLMFT

Grief is never a simple experience. It weaves itself into our relationships, our faith, and even our work. When I lost my father, I found myself navigating not only my personal sorrow but also the deep cultural traditions of Tunisian Muslim life. This loss shaped not only my identity as a son but also my work as a marriage and family therapist.

In Islam, funerals happen quickly—usually within 24 hours. This urgency can amplify the intensity of loss, forcing loved ones to process logistical realities while still in shock. Returning to Tunisia, I was struck by the rituals of washing, wrapping, and burying my father. These practices, while painful, also gave me a sense of structure and connection. They reminded me that grief, though deeply personal, is also communal.

As therapists, our own experiences with trauma and loss can profoundly influence how we hold space for clients. My father’s passing gave me a sharper sense of empathy. I came to see that grief is not only an emotional state but also a cultural one. For some, faith rituals and community support become anchors. For others, silence or even avoidance may be the way they cope. Recognizing this diversity in grieving styles is essential in therapy.

Personal experiences also remind us of the danger of assuming universality. My way of grieving, rooted in Islamic teachings and collective family support, may not resonate with a client whose background emphasizes independence or private mourning. Therapy, therefore, must remain humble and curious—asking rather than assuming, and honoring each person’s path.

In practice, integrating trauma and loss into therapy means more than just “coping strategies.” It means helping clients explore the meaning of their loss within their own cultural, spiritual, and relational context. For me, my father’s death reaffirmed the importance of faith and community. For others, the same loss might lead to questioning faith or re-examining relationships. Both are valid, and both deserve space in therapy.

Loss shapes us, but it also teaches us. As therapists, allowing our personal grief to inform our empathy can deepen the therapeutic process. It reminds clients that healing is possible, not by erasing pain but by weaving it into the ongoing story of who we are becoming.